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Tonight i look upon the reddish black sky from the finest thread of view from my side window located next to my rectangular yellowish study table. I gazed upon the twinkling stars and blinking moon which certainly color the otherwise eerie looking sky. This world is resembled by the sky and only the smallest portion of people are resembled by the stars and moon, whereas the others are embedded inside the dark eerie sky. Sometimes i wonder why i am always sinking in the dark and gone unnoticed among the other twinkling stars. I must not say wonder, i should say i hate. At this moment, a deep sip of saliva flows through my throat and my eyelash receptor seems calling for my eyedrops to start appearing. And on my each side of ears, there comes the sentimental music which heals my soul a little. However, as the clock ticks, i can feel that the music is knocking on my fragile heart, painful and more painful. Even more painful when i manage to grab a few meaning of the lyrics dancing in the air.

A quarter hour passed, i again gazed upon the frightening sky. My thoughts flew away again to a far far land. In the land, I am the only survival without love and companion. I sit alone, i walk alone, i run alone, i eat alone, i can only look at my floating reflection in the river and can only chase my own shadow. ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Will i ever be plundered into this misery? Will i? If i could i choose not to be such an emotional hag. This will only plunk me deeper into misery of feelings. All i want is to cure my loneliness which has been planted so tight into my broken heart for ages. My broken heart is already weary, has been broken again and again. Sometimes i just feel that this broken heart is impossible to be healed as before anymore. Once broken is forever broken, no matter how hard you try to heal it, there is still the wound mark haunting you back into the painful memories encountered before.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy, I’ll be hope, I’ll be your love, be everything you need.

If i had just one wish, i’ll make your dreams come true, coz i have everything i need when i’m loving you.

I lay my love on you is all i wanna do, everytime i breathe i feel brand new.

And i will take you in my arms and hold you right where you belongs, till the day my love is true, this i promise you.

I give you my word i give you my heart , this is a battle we won and with this vow, forever has now begun.

Been lonely since the day, the day you went away, been crying since the day, the day you went away.

You took my heart away when my world was great and when its cold at night and you sleep by side, you become the meaning of my life.

And when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong, and you finally see the truth theres a HERO lies in you.

If there were no words, no way to speak, i would still hear you. If there no tears , no way to feel inside, i still feel for you. I dream of this a thousand times before in my dreams i couldnt love you more, i will give you my heart until the end of time, you’re all i need, my love my VALENTINE!

Baby, give me back my fantasy, the courage that i need to live, air that i breathe, each night i taste the PUREST OF PAIN.

Because of you i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me, because of you… im afraid… My heart can possibly break when it wasnt whole to start with.

I wont talk i wont breathe i wont move till u finally see you belong with me… Im weak, its TRUE.

They tell me show me the meaning of being lonely is this the feeling i need to walk with, tell me why i cant be there where you are, theres something missing in my heart.

I lifted her head she looked at me and said hold me darling just a little while.. Now she is gone even though i hold her tight i lost my love my life that night.

Maybe my love will come back someday, only HEAVEN KNOWS… and all i can do is hope and pray coz HEAVEN KNOWS…

After sometimes i finally made up my mind, she is the girl and i really want to make her mine, im searching everywhere to find her again, to tell her i love her but this is 25 minutes too late.

I am all about you i am all about us, baby you never have to question my love. Some other girls wont make me forget ur mine, she is my number one girl.

Been around the world have seen alot of girls but noone can compare to you, i just wanna tell you that im sorry for all the things i have done to make you worry and all the time i cared for you from the bottom of my heart…

Things i really hate…

1. Cheaters ( If u want to cheat me, keep it from me for lifetime )

2. People who always breaks promises ( Do not attempt to make empty promises if you know you could not make it )

3. People who likes to test my patience ( My patience is very limited )

4. People who do not treat me the same way as i did ( I do not refer to material or money wise, i just meant do not return me shit if i give you gold )

5. Being lonely ( Coz i will start to think of unnecessary things and get depressed )

6. Being forced to do things i do not like ( Just hate this feeling )

7. People who likes to pretend in front of others ( especially those who did it for personal goodness and take advantage of others )

8. People who say ONE and do OTHER ( better dun say it then )

9. Being in a miserable situation ( I always get stuck in this… when i choose this is bad.. choose that even worse )

10. People who i sacrificed for, actually turns the back against me ( I encountered this quite frequently )

11. People who is ALWAYS not punctual ( If you have meeting at 9, prepare earlier to make it at 9 or earlier and not rush at last minute, and be late and worse still, reach and NEVER SAY SORRY.. i am not borned to wait for u )

12. People who is boastful (action) and do not keep the mouth shut ( I dun give a damn who the hell you are, how great you are, if  u are boastful , then F*** off )

13. People who do things without showing urgency ( common time is gold )

14. People who take away my friends from me ( I am already so deprived of true friends, do not stir up controversy and make me lose more )

There are things that you wish to possess or for it to happen… Some might not be realistic but still wish it to be in such way somehow…

1. Never grow up / be kiddo forever

2. Free from encountering any problems

3. Having a caring lifetime spouse

4. Have more courage, confidence and strength

5. Having plenty of friends who could understand me

6. Never ever feel lonely

7. Having lots and lots of money

8. Having some lovely children

9. Being together with someone i love all the time

10. Prevent my loved ones from sorrowness, suffering and death

11. Having talents in music and its related fields

12. Be a football star

13. Be a superstar / singer / actor

14. Travelling around the world

15. Win the Nobel Prize

So bored now and nothing to do… Just saw one of my friends bulletin writing about things to fear in life… So, i think it will b interesting to jot down some of the things i fear below…

1. Loneliness

2. Failure

3. Death

4. Chronic diseases

5. Snakes, rats, cockroach

6. Sharks, jellyfish, stingray

7. Natural disaster

8. Deep water / river / ocean

9. Cheaters / insincere people

10. Blood

11. Tension having too many incomplete tasks

12. Speaking in front of hundreds / thousands

13. Bees / spiders / centipede / earthworms / milipede

14. Spending lifetime alone (nobody wants)

15. Deaf / Blind

16. Dark and creepy places

17. My loved ones get hurt / sad / feeling down

18. Speed

19. Pain

20. Lastly, i fear if any of the above becomes reality… T-T

Had been having exams after exams recently soon after CNY holiday. And i have been encountering ultimate stress lately coz of the exams. Really should have studied more during CNY holiday. I hardly studied anything and there are so many exams plus assignments and lab reports leaving me with no time to bother anything else. Last week, had exam on Anatomy and Physiology. And this week, i had exams on Biomechanics and Dynamics already. Tomorrow there will be another one on Digital Logics. And to make thing even worse, yesterday the lecturer told us, there will be another Dynamics test next week. Haiz… SO HATE IT coz i tot of taking a break this weekend to relax and chill out… Seems like there are not so much time to do so. But surely i will try to seek some entertainment if not i will KO… Alrite, thats it for today.. Lately no mood to do anything whenever i tink of the amount of stress and workload awaiting me.. So, wat to do… I am all set up for another tiring week… T T

I have a friend who is going for an all-important operation next week. A complicated operation and life threatening. It is just a 50-50 operation and if failed, his life might be gone. As a friend of his, all i can do is keep praying for him everyday and i hope God will answer to my prayers.

Here i need all who read my blog to help me out a bit. Please spend 10 seconds to sincerely pray for my friend, pray that he will have a smooth and successful operation and be healthy again. Please help him please… Thank you.. God bless you!

Omg.. Has been lazy to blog lately. I will blog here for all i have done in the past week. Anyway last week was not a good week for me. Has many ups and downs but downs has been dominating as always. ALrite, since holiday started from last friday, 1st of all i have been lazing around, never study at all even though exam is after CNY. Kinda scared coz already did badly in the 2 tests held just before holiday. Hope i will rediscover my study mood soon…

Hmm last Saturday, i went to SUnway Pyramid with some of my buddies. 1stly sing k at red box, then LOU YEE SANG in red box ( my 1st this yr, do u know yee sang is one of my favourite? ^^) Then, there is superstar live show at sunway pyramid. Saw all 24 participants. Overall i feel that the female participants are far ahead of the guys. Guess guys’ talents are getting lesser. Hmm.. then at nite went to fren house to overnite till next morning…

So,its Sunday, I went to Eye On MALAYSIA. RM15 man! Although its for just about 15 minutes, kinda feel its too long up there. Coz, its just too hot. The air cond is not functioning well.. And that time sun is up high, if i feel totally uncomfortable. Wish so much to come down fast. In fact i have been shouting inside, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" ^^

Next mOnday, din do much. My friend come to find me near my house for lunch. Then chat only…

Tuesday??? I went to hospital for treatment. Seems like there is more problem in me… My previous problem has already recovered but then, there is new problem. Doctor asked me to seek other doctor the next day… Anyway, i have something to complain. Government hospital is really scary and inefficient. Has been waiting to register for so long and there are people who came late and get attended to ahead than me. I just hate it >< And there are so many patients. I just wonder if there are someone who need to seek immediate treatment will they be able to make it? Haiz… How nice if all patients are rich then can go to private hospital, no need to wait so so long…

The next day is Valentines day. Nothing much happened. HAs been really lonely but i am not gonna brag about it here. Sometimes being lonely is better than to get hurt. Just have to live by it… And in the evening, i did went out with my ex skulmates. Shopping and i went for haircut. New hairstyle now hehe…

Yesterday was thursday. Stayed at home whole day. Finally i have time to clean my house for CNY. Although i did not clean much, but at least i did something.. hehe… And i also re-dye my hair but, doesnt seem to have much effect. Guess i had bought the wrong colour last time. Coz, the colour is just too not obvious. Most people say cant see my colour under normal room condition. Sigh…

Alrite… till here 1st. HAPPY CNY TO ALL MY FRENS!!! For those who be balik kampung, i wish u all to have a safe ride home. Get lots of angpow yeah! And enjoy urself!

     Please dun torture me anymore. I cant be able to sleep last nite. High fever suddenly. Was sent to hospital at midnight. Doctor asked me to be admitted to hospital actually coz viral infection. I refuse to be admitted. So later get back home. Take medicine and stronger panadol. Never seen such a panadol before also. Hmm.. then manage to sleep oredi. This morning wake up feel better already luckily but still cant recover yet. Sigh.. If i finish this course of new antibiotics also cant recover, i think i have no choice but to be admitted to hospital already. Damn sad… Damn san fu… Regret din take care myself properly. All i can hope is fast fast recover from all my sickness la.. Had been torturing me alot. I have exam coming up! And also CNY!!! Please…

I already fever for 6 days. On and off better and then fever again. Dunno what is wrong with me. Maybe my immune system is already down. Sick for so long already really no mood to do anything. Having tests on Monday and Wednesday but I really didnt study much this time. Guess gonna give up already this test. Anyway, what so big deal? The worst can happen is change uni then. Sometimes getting bored at uni already though there are a few sweet memories still left for me to relish the life at uni. Sigh… Hope i wun fail. Very sick now.. wanna sleep early.. next time i blog again…

CNY is approaching soon. Manage to chat with some of my ex schoolmates recently and know they are coming back soon. SO glad. Can meet them again. SO long din meet liao.. Rmbr ajak me pai lin oso yeah… C ya guys and gals..